Title: Forty
Series: A Steel Bones Motorcycle Club Romance
Author: Cate C. Wells
Genre: MC Romance
Release Date: September 2, 2020
Secrets tore us apart…Nevaeh
I burned my bridges a long time ago and headed for the big city. Life was fast, but I was making it–until I wasn’t anymore. I want a do over. Confront my past. Starting with the man who swore he loved me and left anyway. The big, bad biker who broke my heart.
Forty
I never got over Nevaeh Ellis. Never could forgive her either. My brothers believe she’s disloyal, and there’s no making that right. But why is she back? And why is she so angry? The longer she’s in town, the more I wonder what really happened back in the day. Is she the bad guy–or was I?
There’s no time to figure it out. The feud between my club and the Rebel Raiders is raging out of control, trouble is dogging Nevaeh’s heels, and if I don’t make the right call this time–she’s not gone. She’s dead.
Forty is a steamy, second chance romance. It’s the sixth book in the Steel Bones Motorcycle Club series, but it can be read as a standalone. It is intended for adult readers.
HEA guaranteed.
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“Ms. Wells is a powerhouse, continually bringing such flawed characters to life…she is the real deal.” – Leslee, Goodreads
“Forty has absolutely gutted me!” – G, Goodreads
“Nevaeh is probably one of my favorite characters, definitely top 3…I loved her crazy a**.” JJ, Goodreads
The lights are still on when I get to the Ellis place, an old rancher out towards the river. I pull off onto the front lawn, and itโs like no time has passed. I havenโt been out this way since I came home. Thereโs been no reason. Barrow Road is a country lane that leads to nothing but shotgun shacks and flood plain.
As I slam the truck door, I can almost hear Nevaehโs mom primly ordering me to stop tearinโ up the grass. Even in the dark with no porch light, itโs obvious no one much cares about the lawn these days. I heard that when Nevaehโs stepdad passed, Mrs. Ellis moved to Florida, leaving Lou the house. Looks like he takes care of it about as well as any guy in his twenties who installs cable and plays bass in a jam band.
There are two overturned buckets by the front step with cigarette butts scattered around, a few empties on the step itself. Mrs. Ellisโ kissing Dutch couple is knocked over, and at some point, someone mowed around it, so the little boy and girl are lying flat in an island of tall weeds.
Louโs work van, his bike, and a beat-up, red Hyundai take up the short driveway. Must be Nevaehโs ride. Back left tire is low.
Clearly, theyโre home, and my truckโs not subtle. Iโm surprised no oneโs looked out yet.
I hop up on the running board, reach through the open window, and lay on the horn. Mrs. Ellis used to hate when I did that. Sheโd hassle Nevaeh, tell her only sluts go running when a man honks. Nevaehโd cry about it, but it was always easy to distract her. She was the kind of girl who wanted to be happy.
I told her Iโd walk up to the doorโit was the right thing to do, even I knew thatโbut she didnโt want me anywhere near her folks. Guess they didnโt approve of me.
Still no movement in the house. I lean on the horn again, and I keep the pressure on until I see the curtains flutter. Then the porch light flickers on, the door flies open, and there she is. Every muscle in my body goes as hard as stone.
I round the truck, stalk forward, my legs drawn to her, my brain struggling keeping up. Nevaeh Ellis. Sheโs here. In real life.
Sheโs the same. But more.
The force of her standing there sends a sizzle of electricity down every nerve, priming me like the sound of gunfire.ย
Sheโs framed by the doorway, backlit, her mess of curls still the biggest thing about her. No matter that round ass and those thick thighs, sheโs so damn small. Short and compact. Sheโs got her hands on her hips, and damn, but theyโre even curvier than I remember.
โLay off the horn, asshole!โ
I already have. Iโm nearly on her; sheโs almost in my arms. I need to see her face, plunge my hands in that wild hair, shake her and make her cry and take her mouth until she whimpers with need. Iโm furious, horny, and crushed, sickened by the weight of time passed. Itโs been too long.
Then when I get four, five feet away, her chin loses the arrogant tilt. She crosses her arms, hugging herself. Glances over her shoulder into the house. Is she scared? Nevaeh Ellis? No way.
Still, I stop. Iโm a few steps away from the porch, and I can make out every inch of her now. Sheโs wearing a white, long-sleeved sweatshirt with a rainbow across the chest. Itโs cropped, revealing the gentle swell of her belly. Sheโs got on a pair of white boy shorts, so tight I can see the cleft of her pussy lips.
I stand, shoulders back and level with my chest, heels together, arms at my side. I realize as Iโm doing it that Iโm standing at attention, presenting myself to her, and blood rushes to my cock. My cockโs as ready as itโs ever been. It takes everything in me to be still while she fidgets, gnawing her bottom lip, scratching her heel with the toe of the opposite foot.
Then her big, brown eyes dip below my belt. She snorts, the fear or whatever it was gone. โAt least someone in this town is happy to see me.โ Her gaze slides to my truck. โWhereโs your bike?โ
My face burns, but damn if my cock doesnโt press harder against my zipper. โWhere are your pants?โ
She rolls her eyes. โSame place you left your manners, I suppose.โ She wrinkles her nose. โNo, hi, Nevaeh? How are you? Long time, no see?โ
โHello, Nevaeh.โ
Iโm close enough to see her shiver when I say her name. Goosebumps pucker her belly and legs. Itโs early spring, and itโs cold out here. Whereโs her jacket? Where are her shoes? Sheโs in her socks. White with pom poms on the heels. Theyโve got to be filthy on the bottoms.
She ducks her head, suddenly shy, and her hair shifts. I see a bruise above her eye. It doesnโt look fresh, but itโs hard to tell with the shadows. I steel myself as a wave of aggression rolls over me.
I jerk my chin toward the shiner. โDanielle fix your face?โ
โWhich oneโs Danielle? The one with the hair or the one with the eyebrows.โ
โThe eyebrows.โ I canโt act like I donโt know what she means. Danielle paints those suckers on. They make an impression. Cheyenne must be the one with the hair. Itโs always some color or another.
โNah. That oneโs all mouth.โ
โWhat were you doing at the clubhouse?โ
โLooking for you.โ
โWe have no business.โ
โI wanted to talk.โ
โIโve got nothing to say to you.โ
She winces like sheโs hurt. Fuck. My abs tense, and my fingertips twitch, like they want to grab the words back.
She swallows, and her gaze dips before rising again. โYou look different.โ Her voice is shy.
She doesnโt look different at all. Except for the tiniest laugh lines at the corner of her eyes and twenty or so extra pounds, most packed on her ass and thighs, sheโs the same. Messy. Squirmy. Beautiful.
โYouโre taller than I remember.โ She offers me a half-smile, a quirked corner of her mouth. My breath catches in my lungs.
I am taller. I left for basic before that last growth spurt. I got on a plane, and she got under every asshole she could the minute the wheels took off from the runway. Several helpful sweetbutts sent me blurry pics. Nevaeh sitting in some loserโs lap. Nevaeh grinding on a Rebel Raider at a bonfire. The stale, familiar rage rocks me in my boots.
What am I doing here? I was having a nice dinner with a nice woman, and I dropped her off early to drive out to the boondocks and waste time on a crazy bitch who couldnโt stay faithful for a week. Iโm a fool. I need to say my piece and get gone.
But all the words I want to say would shame me as a man. No matter what a woman shows herself to be, it isnโt right to call her names to her face.
โWell? You gonna stand there and hate fuck me with your eyes all night long?โ She raises her eyebrows. Sheโs got nerve. Always did.
โYou gonna stand there and act all innocent?โ
โNot all night, no.โ She taps her foot. My pulse skyrockets.
โWhy did show up at the clubhouse? You know youโre not welcome. Whatโs your game, Nevaeh?โ
โNo game.โ
I bark a bitter laugh. โIt was always a game with you.โ
She snorts, but her eyes drop to the ground. โI guess it would have seemed that way.โ
โIt was that way. How long after I left before you were spreading your legs for any random asshole? Did you even wait until I left?โ
She wrings her hands and rocks on her feet. She was always fidgeting like that. I attributed it to nervous energy, but from where I stand now? It looks like guilt.
โI never cheated on you.โ
โBullshit.โ
โI know what it looked like.โ
โI got pictures of you crawling on men from here to Pyle. You flashed Heavy your tits and asked him if he wanted to fuck.โ
She opens her mouth to protest, but I guess she thinks better of it. Instead, she draws in a deep breath, and instead of hanging her head again, she comes at me with those huge, brown eyes.
โYeah. I did do that.โ
I wait. Crickets chirp. Leaves whisper in the huge maple beside the house. What am I even waiting for? An apology? An explanation? As if anything she saidโthen or nowโwould change anything. Sheโs disloyal. Selfish. Nuts.
Her throat bobs as she swallows, and she shifts. Itโs like sheโs waiting, too. What for? Whatโs her game now?
โYou seriously want me to believe you never cheated? If you didnโt, it wasnโt for lack of trying.โ
Fuck. Why do I still care about this at all? It happened a lifetime ago. Iโve been around the world since Nevaeh Ellis. Stared death in the face. Came out the other side, scarred and fucked up, sure, but alive.
And some girl screwing around on me back in the day has got me this twisted? Why am I not at my house in Gracyโs Corner right now, balls deep in Amanda or Amelia or whatever her name is?
Nevaeh chews on the inside of her cheek, and stares at her feet. โI wanted you to get jealous and come home. Or, like, confront me. I was desperate. I wasnโt thinking straight.โ She glances up, and her eyes are shining.
The tears piss me off. โThatโs childish as hell.โ
โI was a child!โ Her voice breaks, and thereโs pain in it. Something inside me lurches for her, and I barely stop myself from loping up the steps and folding her in my arms.
That hurt in her voice? Itโs fake as hell. Sheโs not innocent. She never was. Sheโs a liar.
Iโm about to tell her so and bail, but she keeps going.
โYou know, Iโm still mad, too.โ
She scrubs angrily at her eyes, dashing away those tears.
โI hate you, too, so you can just fuck off with your wounded, wronged man routine. You said youโd always be there for me? Well, you werenโt, and I know thatโs the way the world works, and youโre a hero or whatever, but you can just fuck yourself, Forty Nowicki. And fuck your fancy ass truck and fuck you coming here with lipstick on your collar. You look like a detergent commercial.โ
I glance down. Oh. Thereโs a hot pink smear on the shoulder of my shirt.
Nevaeh spins on her heels and flings the screen door open. I start forwardโto do what, I donโt knowโ but she suddenly changes her mind and whirls back around. Her shoulders are heaving, her entire body wired. Then she sucks down a deep breath, like sheโs steadying herself, and she exhales slowly.
โIโm sorry. Thatโs not what I planned on saying. I was going to apologize for what I did back then. It was immature, and it was selfish and messed up, and I knew it was stupid and wrong at the time, when I was doing it, butโฆI wasโฆI had my reasons, okay? And they werenโt good reasons, but I was young, and I know thatโs no excuse. But still. Iโm sorry. Thatโs what I had meant to say.โ
She pauses for air, and then she waits, fingers plucking nervously at the hem of her sweatshirt.
I donโt know what to say. My brainโs on overload, glitching with the desire to grab her, shake her or throw her into the truck, tear those white panties to the side and fuck her raw, or curse her until she cries. My mindโs a wreck, like Iโm eighteen again, and I know nothing.
I canโt act, canโt find words to say, so all I do is stare.
God, Iโve missed the shape of her. The way her tits slope to a peak. Sheโs clearly not wearing a bra under the crop top, and her nipples are hard. I manage to drag my gaze away, and then my eyes are instantly drawn to the swell of her hips and the crease where her thighs press together. Those twenty pounds found the right places. Sheโs all sex. All bounce, all curves.
And sheโll pass it around to anyone and lie about it to your face.
โArenโt you gonna say something?โ Her voice is small. Meek. Sheโs not meek.
โHow many?โ I shouldnโt care. I should turn around, get back in my truck, and let the past be the past.
โWhat?โ
โHow many other guys did you fuck when we were together?โ
โI told you. None. I never did. I wasโฆI donโt know how to say it. I was trying to make you jealous. I had this idea in my head that you could come back if you really wanted to. I mean, I knew better. Iโm not stupid. Butโฆโ Her brow furrows, and she presses her fingers to her temple. โIt was magical thinking, I guess.โ
โNo, you werenโt stupid, Nevaeh. You understood the deal. You leave basic, youโre A.W.O.L. Everyone knows that.โ
โI never wanted you to go.โ
โIt was for us.โ
She shakes her head, in denial or disapproval, I donโt know. The stale rage rises in me again. Same old argument. Meaningless now.
โWhat was I gonna do here?โ I ask. โPump gas? Drywall?โ
โYou would have been there for me. And yeah, pump gas. You too good to pump gas?โ Her face is flushing red. I remember the look. Sheโs holding on to her temper by a thread. โIโm not saying what I did made sense. I was young, and I wasโฆconfused by a lot of shit.โ
โConfused? Is that what you call it? Thatโs all you got to say in your defense?โ
She balls her fists. โIโm not gonna stand here on the porch and spill my guts to you.โ
โNo. You were gonna spill your guts at my clubhouse, in front of all my people. You always did have to put on a show, didnโt you?โ
Her brown eyes spark. โIt always took a show to get through to you, didnโt it?โ
โYou could have talked to me.โ Iโm shouting. Fuck. I donโt shout.
โYou left. And then you rang me up one Sunday, called me trash, and told me weโre done. And then you blocked me. How was I gonna talk to you?โ Her voice cracks; her eyes darken. Sheโs remembering.
Thereโs no reason for the pit in my stomach. What she says is exactly how it went down. What did she expect?
โYou came onto Heavy and asked him to fuck you.โ
โYeah. Not one of my finer moments.โ She sniffs. Is she really crying? โI shouldโve given up way before then. Packed my stuff and blown town with a little dignity left, you know? But I was such a stupid, little kid. I guess I thought youโd get so pissed, youโd demand that I tell you whatโs going on, and Iโd have no choice, right? Youโd ride to the rescue and solve all my problems and make everything okay. I know, that was insane to put on an eighteen-year-old three hundred miles away in basic training, but you know what? You were my knight in shining armor.โ She snorts.
โWhat was going on?โ I can hardly follow her; sheโs making no sense.
She blinks and glances over her shoulder like she hears a noise behind her. Must be Lou.
โIt doesnโt matter now. We were kids. Iโm sorry for how I acted. Thatโs all I wanted to say. If it makes you feel better, I lost all my friends, and it wasnโt easy, starting over in Pyle.โ
I feel unsteady, as if my feet arenโt on firm ground. โWhy now? Why come around now?โ
โBetter late than never?โ
I scrub the back of my neck in frustration. โCan you just be straight with me? For once?โ
She draws in a shaky breath. โI guess Iโm trying to put some things right.โ
โWhy?โ
โDoes there have to be a reason?โ
And there it is. The reason this isnโt gonna end with peace between us. She canโt be straight. People like her never change. Answer a question with a question. Itโs all a game. And maybe her crazy was hot as shit when I was a teenager, but Iโm a grown man now, and this kind of bullshit is just sad.
I donโt care if sheโs working the ninth step, or sheโs on some kind of journey to find herself. It doesnโt matter that my dickโs harder than itโs been in years, and I havenโt thought about the pain in my arm once the entire time weโve been talking. I donโt need this in my life.
โI tell you what, Nevaeh. It doesnโt matter. Youโve said your piece. Now stay away from the clubhouse. Stay away from me and my brothers. Weโre done now. For good.โ
She takes a half step back. I guess she thought this conversation was going a different direction. Maybe for a second, before I remembered the complete havoc she wrought on my life, it was.
But fool me twice, shame on me, right?
She opens her mouth, as if sheโs gonna argue. But then she sighs instead. She lifts a shoulder and flashes a weak smile. โOkay, Forty. It was good to see you.โ
And then turns on her heels and disappears into the house, the screen door swinging shut behind her. My gut drops and for a second, my body mindlessly lurches forward, demanding that I take her back.
Sheโs gone too quick.
Iโm left standing in the front walk, my brain spinning.
This is what I wanted, right? I donโt need to relive my worst choices. I was given a second chance when they pulled me from the wreckage of that chopper, and Iโm not using that gift to take a walk down some misguided memory lane.
I force my feet to move toward my truck, drag my body into the driverโs seat.
I did what I came to do. Sheโs not going to cause a problem again.
Iโm satisfied.
And it feels like shit.
As I slam the truck door, I can almost hear Nevaehโs mom primly ordering me to stop tearinโ up the grass. Even in the dark with no porch light, itโs obvious no one much cares about the lawn these days. I heard that when Nevaehโs stepdad passed, Mrs. Ellis moved to Florida, leaving Lou the house. Looks like he takes care of it about as well as any guy in his twenties who installs cable and plays bass in a jam band.
There are two overturned buckets by the front step with cigarette butts scattered around, a few empties on the step itself. Mrs. Ellisโ kissing Dutch couple is knocked over, and at some point, someone mowed around it, so the little boy and girl are lying flat in an island of tall weeds.
Louโs work van, his bike, and a beat-up, red Hyundai take up the short driveway. Must be Nevaehโs ride. Back left tire is low.
Clearly, theyโre home, and my truckโs not subtle. Iโm surprised no oneโs looked out yet.
I hop up on the running board, reach through the open window, and lay on the horn. Mrs. Ellis used to hate when I did that. Sheโd hassle Nevaeh, tell her only sluts go running when a man honks. Nevaehโd cry about it, but it was always easy to distract her. She was the kind of girl who wanted to be happy.
I told her Iโd walk up to the doorโit was the right thing to do, even I knew thatโbut she didnโt want me anywhere near her folks. Guess they didnโt approve of me.
Still no movement in the house. I lean on the horn again, and I keep the pressure on until I see the curtains flutter. Then the porch light flickers on, the door flies open, and there she is. Every muscle in my body goes as hard as stone.
I round the truck, stalk forward, my legs drawn to her, my brain struggling keeping up. Nevaeh Ellis. Sheโs here. In real life.
Sheโs the same. But more.
The force of her standing there sends a sizzle of electricity down every nerve, priming me like the sound of gunfire.ย
Sheโs framed by the doorway, backlit, her mess of curls still the biggest thing about her. No matter that round ass and those thick thighs, sheโs so damn small. Short and compact. Sheโs got her hands on her hips, and damn, but theyโre even curvier than I remember.
โLay off the horn, asshole!โ
I already have. Iโm nearly on her; sheโs almost in my arms. I need to see her face, plunge my hands in that wild hair, shake her and make her cry and take her mouth until she whimpers with need. Iโm furious, horny, and crushed, sickened by the weight of time passed. Itโs been too long.
Then when I get four, five feet away, her chin loses the arrogant tilt. She crosses her arms, hugging herself. Glances over her shoulder into the house. Is she scared? Nevaeh Ellis? No way.
Still, I stop. Iโm a few steps away from the porch, and I can make out every inch of her now. Sheโs wearing a white, long-sleeved sweatshirt with a rainbow across the chest. Itโs cropped, revealing the gentle swell of her belly. Sheโs got on a pair of white boy shorts, so tight I can see the cleft of her pussy lips.
I stand, shoulders back and level with my chest, heels together, arms at my side. I realize as Iโm doing it that Iโm standing at attention, presenting myself to her, and blood rushes to my cock. My cockโs as ready as itโs ever been. It takes everything in me to be still while she fidgets, gnawing her bottom lip, scratching her heel with the toe of the opposite foot.
Then her big, brown eyes dip below my belt. She snorts, the fear or whatever it was gone. โAt least someone in this town is happy to see me.โ Her gaze slides to my truck. โWhereโs your bike?โ
My face burns, but damn if my cock doesnโt press harder against my zipper. โWhere are your pants?โ
She rolls her eyes. โSame place you left your manners, I suppose.โ She wrinkles her nose. โNo, hi, Nevaeh? How are you? Long time, no see?โ
โHello, Nevaeh.โ
Iโm close enough to see her shiver when I say her name. Goosebumps pucker her belly and legs. Itโs early spring, and itโs cold out here. Whereโs her jacket? Where are her shoes? Sheโs in her socks. White with pom poms on the heels. Theyโve got to be filthy on the bottoms.
She ducks her head, suddenly shy, and her hair shifts. I see a bruise above her eye. It doesnโt look fresh, but itโs hard to tell with the shadows. I steel myself as a wave of aggression rolls over me.
I jerk my chin toward the shiner. โDanielle fix your face?โ
โWhich oneโs Danielle? The one with the hair or the one with the eyebrows.โ
โThe eyebrows.โ I canโt act like I donโt know what she means. Danielle paints those suckers on. They make an impression. Cheyenne must be the one with the hair. Itโs always some color or another.
โNah. That oneโs all mouth.โ
โWhat were you doing at the clubhouse?โ
โLooking for you.โ
โWe have no business.โ
โI wanted to talk.โ
โIโve got nothing to say to you.โ
She winces like sheโs hurt. Fuck. My abs tense, and my fingertips twitch, like they want to grab the words back.
She swallows, and her gaze dips before rising again. โYou look different.โ Her voice is shy.
She doesnโt look different at all. Except for the tiniest laugh lines at the corner of her eyes and twenty or so extra pounds, most packed on her ass and thighs, sheโs the same. Messy. Squirmy. Beautiful.
โYouโre taller than I remember.โ She offers me a half-smile, a quirked corner of her mouth. My breath catches in my lungs.
I am taller. I left for basic before that last growth spurt. I got on a plane, and she got under every asshole she could the minute the wheels took off from the runway. Several helpful sweetbutts sent me blurry pics. Nevaeh sitting in some loserโs lap. Nevaeh grinding on a Rebel Raider at a bonfire. The stale, familiar rage rocks me in my boots.
What am I doing here? I was having a nice dinner with a nice woman, and I dropped her off early to drive out to the boondocks and waste time on a crazy bitch who couldnโt stay faithful for a week. Iโm a fool. I need to say my piece and get gone.
But all the words I want to say would shame me as a man. No matter what a woman shows herself to be, it isnโt right to call her names to her face.
โWell? You gonna stand there and hate fuck me with your eyes all night long?โ She raises her eyebrows. Sheโs got nerve. Always did.
โYou gonna stand there and act all innocent?โ
โNot all night, no.โ She taps her foot. My pulse skyrockets.
โWhy did show up at the clubhouse? You know youโre not welcome. Whatโs your game, Nevaeh?โ
โNo game.โ
I bark a bitter laugh. โIt was always a game with you.โ
She snorts, but her eyes drop to the ground. โI guess it would have seemed that way.โ
โIt was that way. How long after I left before you were spreading your legs for any random asshole? Did you even wait until I left?โ
She wrings her hands and rocks on her feet. She was always fidgeting like that. I attributed it to nervous energy, but from where I stand now? It looks like guilt.
โI never cheated on you.โ
โBullshit.โ
โI know what it looked like.โ
โI got pictures of you crawling on men from here to Pyle. You flashed Heavy your tits and asked him if he wanted to fuck.โ
She opens her mouth to protest, but I guess she thinks better of it. Instead, she draws in a deep breath, and instead of hanging her head again, she comes at me with those huge, brown eyes.
โYeah. I did do that.โ
I wait. Crickets chirp. Leaves whisper in the huge maple beside the house. What am I even waiting for? An apology? An explanation? As if anything she saidโthen or nowโwould change anything. Sheโs disloyal. Selfish. Nuts.
Her throat bobs as she swallows, and she shifts. Itโs like sheโs waiting, too. What for? Whatโs her game now?
โYou seriously want me to believe you never cheated? If you didnโt, it wasnโt for lack of trying.โ
Fuck. Why do I still care about this at all? It happened a lifetime ago. Iโve been around the world since Nevaeh Ellis. Stared death in the face. Came out the other side, scarred and fucked up, sure, but alive.
And some girl screwing around on me back in the day has got me this twisted? Why am I not at my house in Gracyโs Corner right now, balls deep in Amanda or Amelia or whatever her name is?
Nevaeh chews on the inside of her cheek, and stares at her feet. โI wanted you to get jealous and come home. Or, like, confront me. I was desperate. I wasnโt thinking straight.โ She glances up, and her eyes are shining.
The tears piss me off. โThatโs childish as hell.โ
โI was a child!โ Her voice breaks, and thereโs pain in it. Something inside me lurches for her, and I barely stop myself from loping up the steps and folding her in my arms.
That hurt in her voice? Itโs fake as hell. Sheโs not innocent. She never was. Sheโs a liar.
Iโm about to tell her so and bail, but she keeps going.
โYou know, Iโm still mad, too.โ
She scrubs angrily at her eyes, dashing away those tears.
โI hate you, too, so you can just fuck off with your wounded, wronged man routine. You said youโd always be there for me? Well, you werenโt, and I know thatโs the way the world works, and youโre a hero or whatever, but you can just fuck yourself, Forty Nowicki. And fuck your fancy ass truck and fuck you coming here with lipstick on your collar. You look like a detergent commercial.โ
I glance down. Oh. Thereโs a hot pink smear on the shoulder of my shirt.
Nevaeh spins on her heels and flings the screen door open. I start forwardโto do what, I donโt knowโ but she suddenly changes her mind and whirls back around. Her shoulders are heaving, her entire body wired. Then she sucks down a deep breath, like sheโs steadying herself, and she exhales slowly.
โIโm sorry. Thatโs not what I planned on saying. I was going to apologize for what I did back then. It was immature, and it was selfish and messed up, and I knew it was stupid and wrong at the time, when I was doing it, butโฆI wasโฆI had my reasons, okay? And they werenโt good reasons, but I was young, and I know thatโs no excuse. But still. Iโm sorry. Thatโs what I had meant to say.โ
She pauses for air, and then she waits, fingers plucking nervously at the hem of her sweatshirt.
I donโt know what to say. My brainโs on overload, glitching with the desire to grab her, shake her or throw her into the truck, tear those white panties to the side and fuck her raw, or curse her until she cries. My mindโs a wreck, like Iโm eighteen again, and I know nothing.
I canโt act, canโt find words to say, so all I do is stare.
God, Iโve missed the shape of her. The way her tits slope to a peak. Sheโs clearly not wearing a bra under the crop top, and her nipples are hard. I manage to drag my gaze away, and then my eyes are instantly drawn to the swell of her hips and the crease where her thighs press together. Those twenty pounds found the right places. Sheโs all sex. All bounce, all curves.
And sheโll pass it around to anyone and lie about it to your face.
โArenโt you gonna say something?โ Her voice is small. Meek. Sheโs not meek.
โHow many?โ I shouldnโt care. I should turn around, get back in my truck, and let the past be the past.
โWhat?โ
โHow many other guys did you fuck when we were together?โ
โI told you. None. I never did. I wasโฆI donโt know how to say it. I was trying to make you jealous. I had this idea in my head that you could come back if you really wanted to. I mean, I knew better. Iโm not stupid. Butโฆโ Her brow furrows, and she presses her fingers to her temple. โIt was magical thinking, I guess.โ
โNo, you werenโt stupid, Nevaeh. You understood the deal. You leave basic, youโre A.W.O.L. Everyone knows that.โ
โI never wanted you to go.โ
โIt was for us.โ
She shakes her head, in denial or disapproval, I donโt know. The stale rage rises in me again. Same old argument. Meaningless now.
โWhat was I gonna do here?โ I ask. โPump gas? Drywall?โ
โYou would have been there for me. And yeah, pump gas. You too good to pump gas?โ Her face is flushing red. I remember the look. Sheโs holding on to her temper by a thread. โIโm not saying what I did made sense. I was young, and I wasโฆconfused by a lot of shit.โ
โConfused? Is that what you call it? Thatโs all you got to say in your defense?โ
She balls her fists. โIโm not gonna stand here on the porch and spill my guts to you.โ
โNo. You were gonna spill your guts at my clubhouse, in front of all my people. You always did have to put on a show, didnโt you?โ
Her brown eyes spark. โIt always took a show to get through to you, didnโt it?โ
โYou could have talked to me.โ Iโm shouting. Fuck. I donโt shout.
โYou left. And then you rang me up one Sunday, called me trash, and told me weโre done. And then you blocked me. How was I gonna talk to you?โ Her voice cracks; her eyes darken. Sheโs remembering.
Thereโs no reason for the pit in my stomach. What she says is exactly how it went down. What did she expect?
โYou came onto Heavy and asked him to fuck you.โ
โYeah. Not one of my finer moments.โ She sniffs. Is she really crying? โI shouldโve given up way before then. Packed my stuff and blown town with a little dignity left, you know? But I was such a stupid, little kid. I guess I thought youโd get so pissed, youโd demand that I tell you whatโs going on, and Iโd have no choice, right? Youโd ride to the rescue and solve all my problems and make everything okay. I know, that was insane to put on an eighteen-year-old three hundred miles away in basic training, but you know what? You were my knight in shining armor.โ She snorts.
โWhat was going on?โ I can hardly follow her; sheโs making no sense.
She blinks and glances over her shoulder like she hears a noise behind her. Must be Lou.
โIt doesnโt matter now. We were kids. Iโm sorry for how I acted. Thatโs all I wanted to say. If it makes you feel better, I lost all my friends, and it wasnโt easy, starting over in Pyle.โ
I feel unsteady, as if my feet arenโt on firm ground. โWhy now? Why come around now?โ
โBetter late than never?โ
I scrub the back of my neck in frustration. โCan you just be straight with me? For once?โ
She draws in a shaky breath. โI guess Iโm trying to put some things right.โ
โWhy?โ
โDoes there have to be a reason?โ
And there it is. The reason this isnโt gonna end with peace between us. She canโt be straight. People like her never change. Answer a question with a question. Itโs all a game. And maybe her crazy was hot as shit when I was a teenager, but Iโm a grown man now, and this kind of bullshit is just sad.
I donโt care if sheโs working the ninth step, or sheโs on some kind of journey to find herself. It doesnโt matter that my dickโs harder than itโs been in years, and I havenโt thought about the pain in my arm once the entire time weโve been talking. I donโt need this in my life.
โI tell you what, Nevaeh. It doesnโt matter. Youโve said your piece. Now stay away from the clubhouse. Stay away from me and my brothers. Weโre done now. For good.โ
She takes a half step back. I guess she thought this conversation was going a different direction. Maybe for a second, before I remembered the complete havoc she wrought on my life, it was.
But fool me twice, shame on me, right?
She opens her mouth, as if sheโs gonna argue. But then she sighs instead. She lifts a shoulder and flashes a weak smile. โOkay, Forty. It was good to see you.โ
And then turns on her heels and disappears into the house, the screen door swinging shut behind her. My gut drops and for a second, my body mindlessly lurches forward, demanding that I take her back.
Sheโs gone too quick.
Iโm left standing in the front walk, my brain spinning.
This is what I wanted, right? I donโt need to relive my worst choices. I was given a second chance when they pulled me from the wreckage of that chopper, and Iโm not using that gift to take a walk down some misguided memory lane.
I force my feet to move toward my truck, drag my body into the driverโs seat.
I did what I came to do. Sheโs not going to cause a problem again.
Iโm satisfied.
And it feels like shit.
Cate C. Wells is the author of the Steel Bones Motorcycle Club series. She writes gritty, real, emotionally satisfying romance. Sheโs into messy love, flaws, long roads to redemption, grace, and happy ever after, in books and in life.
Along with stories, sheโs collected a husband and three children along the way. She lives in Baltimore when sheโs not exploring America with the family. #allfiftystatesWant a heads up on new releases and special offers? Sign up for my newsletter atย catecwells.com
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